February 13, 2004
I have this overwhelming desire to tell people that I am gay. I don't necessarily want to shout it from the rooftops to strangers. Side note: It's ironic that strangers I meet already make this assumption; it's my friends and family who insist that I'm not.
I do want to tell the people I know that I am gay because
* It's new news to them
* I want to share
I hesitate because
* It's inappropriate to the audience (for example, why would my boss need to know though we have a good friend-ly relationship as well as a working one)
* It'll put undue stress and discomfort on them for having a gay friend/brother/son/coworker (if they're not used to it)
posted by Joe 8:45 PM
April 19, 2004
I am bothered that I may not have said all the things I should have when I spoke to Adam last night. I wanted to tell him that I'm sorry, that I'd still like to be friends and that I think he's a great guy. Now I don't know if and when I should say these things. I feel my opportunity to do so has been lost.
Part of me wants to be conscious that this not all about me. I'm not hurting as much as he is since I dint put myself out there like he has. The other part of me is sad, wanting to be consumed by my loss of a friend and the community that comes from that. I can be both of course. I can be sympathetic to his hurt and be hurting myself. I just don't want to go over- (or under-) board with either.
Of the four gay guys that I have met since I've come out, none have worked out. Part of it was compatibility issues (they want to see me and I don't feel the same way, or vice versa); the other part was the expedited dating/hook-up ritual. Quick ramp-up inevitably led to quick break-up. That has been my experience anyway. I'm swearing off (online or offline) dating for now. I'm up for meeting new people but I'm not going head-long into relationships. And if that means I get guys who would lose interest in me because of that, then they're not the type of guys with whom I want to get together. It's going to be a lonely life. =)
posted by Joe 8:23 PM